Suicide is painless
by DarkHairedWeasley
Summary: What happens when you have completed what you were kept alive for? What is there to make you keep living, keep breathing, keep caring, after you've done your duty? Rated T for implied suicide.


_Ok, I'm sure this will look awful in a few weeks' time but real life has been horrible lately and I needed some way to escape for a while. This just sort of happened as a result. It's my first fic so please review!_

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What happens when you have completed what you were kept alive for? What is there to make you keep living, keep breathing, keep caring, after you've done your duty? Your whole life has been for one thing, and one alone. People have revered you as their saviour, their hope, and now they are saved. They are happy, but what about you? Since childhood, you knew what you had to do. You were still a child when you did it. Yet you were a child with an adult's mind – too old, to hurt, too scarred to be free. Trapped in your own memories, you can't move forward. Yet you can't look back because it hurts too much. So you stay where you are, never knowing where to go or what is expected of you. You did fate's bidding. You freed the people. But at the end of the day, who will free you?  
Are you destined to live on forever, immortal in the public eye yet seeing nothing yourself? Or will you just be forgotten? You have done what you were needed for, people have lost interest. They've found somebody else to gawk at, to worship, to follow. You've lost your followers, you've lost your faith. And you've lost your family.

James.  
Lily.  
Cedric.  
Remus.  
Tonks.  
Fred.  
Dobby.  
Dumbledore.  
Sirius.  
Colin.  
Hedwig.  
Severus.  
Even Peter.

They're all gone, so who is there to care?_  
Ginny._  
She doesn't need to be burdened with you, the man who now has no purpose.  
_Ginny._  
The love of your life, but the one you rejected. She is young, pretty, clever…  
_Ginny._  
Round and round, like your pulse itself, keeping you alive.  
_Ginny._  
But what's the point of living without love? She cannot love you after all that has happened, yet you are destined to love her.  
_Ginny_.  
She would understand, yet you can't trouble her. She doesn't need your problems. She lost people too, and now she needs space to recover.  
_Ginny_.  
But once she is recovered and you aren't, she'll notice just how hopeless you are. And she won't love you.  
_Ginny_.  
The one you can always love, but never have. She will never wear your ring, never take your name, never raise your children. She will live a happy life, a normal life, of which you will not be a part. Perhaps you'll see each other from time to time, maybe exchange the occasional greeting, but neither of you will ever know… Just how much you love each other. How much you long for the same things.  
_Ginny._  
Unless you do something now. Unless you pluck up the courage to talk to her, to apologise, to accept her comfort and cry shamelessly. Yes, you have both lost, yet together you will both recover. What's the point of waiting, waiting until you see her with someone else? If you talk to her now, she may never be. She could be yours forever, if you'd only smile. Just once. Return to the hall, ignore the people who you once called friend, the people who were only there until you did your duty. Ignore them, just see her. Nobody else. Not her brothers, her parents, her best friend who is also yours. Put aside your grief, ask her to do the same, and be joined in love. At least for a few minutes, before the grief returns. You need time to cry, to think, to remember. So does she. You need to talk, to let it all out. And so does she. You need somebody to chase away the nightmares, to banish the fear, to give you the courage and the willpower to carry on. And so does she.  
So go to her, as she wishes you would. Take her in your arms, marry her, raise your children with her, grow old together, entertain the grandchildren with stories of your youth.  
But deep, deep down, where there is still room for rational thought, you know you can't. There's a wand-tip pointed at your head, and two deadly words forming on your lips. Two words which will give you happiness, and everything you ever wanted. And your last thought, the last person you think about during your time on earth, is her._  
Ginny._  
But now you're free, flying, leaving your pain and the heavy burden placed upon you. Leaving fantasies of a life that would never be. Leaving the sorrow, the jubilance all around when you need to grieve. No more guilt, no more pain, no more wasted hope. Flying home, to those who truly care. Your family.

James.  
Lily.  
Cedric.  
Remus.  
Tonks.  
Fred.  
Dobby.  
Dumbledore.  
Sirius.  
Colin.  
Hedwig.  
Severus.  
Even Peter.

The ones who you will spend eternity with. The ones who will help you heal and give you the life you never had. The ones who will re-create your childhood, who will indulge your every fantasy. They know what you have suffered. They understand. And, eventually, she will join you._  
Ginny._  
She will have lived a happy life, loved and been loved, raised children, entertained grandchildren and slipped into this world peacefully, and without sorrow. She will be welcomed, she will be reunited with her brother, her mentor, her classmate, and the family of her childhood love. She will never admit that she didn't truly move on. She is too proud. But everyone apart from you and her know the truth – You were meant to be. And now you have all of eternity to be together, to start life again.  
And start again you will. Children cannot be born in this world, you never age, nothing changes. You can do anything you want, and you can do it for eternity. This is your reward for the life you led. A life lived on the side of the light, never truly touching the shadows. Severus was also on the side of the light, and that resulted in his death. He knows this, but doesn't mind. Death is easy – free from the cares of everyday life, free to behave exactly as you choose.  
Ginny's husband will join you soon. He will see you together. You can't hide what you now have. You died 83 years ago, she followed you 79 years later. And still you are acting like teenagers in love. That's what you want to be, and here you can be anything. He knows though. He knows that, even after they had married, after they had children, after those children had children… He always knew that he was not her true love. That raven-haired, green-eyed boy that she talked of so often, that was who his wife had loved with all her heart. He resigned himself to the fact very early on, and did the best he could to make their lives together as happy as possibly until you and Ginny were reunited. Now he will step aside, and be happy for you. He will find his own love, who also joined this place long ago. Neither he nor Ginny will mourn for what they have lost, as they have both gained much more. And now you have her back. Forever.

Your Ginny.

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_So, there it is. My first ever fic :) What did you think? Too depressing? Too short? Feel free to PM me if you have any questions you don't want to put in a review. _

_DarkHairedWeasley  
_


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